The Legacy of Distorted Love

Are You “Recovering” from the Merry! Merry! And the Ho! Ho! Ho's?

It happens every year. As the holidays approach, therapy sessions turn to discussions about seasonal plans and reconnecting with family of origin. Outside of the office, friends and family begin the planning, hoping, wish lists, worry, and the harried stress of the season. We all know the gig...it happens every year.

Why Boys Do Not Tell About Sexual Abuse

The dark cloud over Penn State revealing a sexual abuse scandal also holds a painful overcast shade for male victims of sexual abuse. The news of the cover-up and victimization of boys at this prestigious university has understandably caused a flurry of confusion, surprise, and concern for parents, educators, football fans, and all who care about children.

Is Forgiveness Possible When It Involves Child Abuse?

The word "forgiveness" is laden with meaning and misunderstanding. We were all taught that nice girls and boys forgive and forget. The clear message is that we are expected to forgive anyone who has hurt us because it is the right thing to do.

Grief Is Not a Mental Illness

A client recently said, "I wish there were a mental health diagnosis for serial grief, I am not mentally ill. Mostly just sad and grieving the vision of the mother I so desperately wanted."

Many men and women are beginning the painful discussion of the losses in the narcissistic family.

Why Am I So Afraid of Being Alone?

Learning to be alone with oneself is surely an art. We are socially and culturally encouraged to be "with"... not alone. Having many friends, being social, connecting with community, and being part of the village are common promotions. Splendid advice, but what about that special, sacred, unfettered time you need to just be with you? Why is that such a scary landscape?

Do I Have To Be Nice To People Who Are Mean To Me?

In the narcissistic family, it's all about image. The focus is usually on "how it looks to others." This can cause troops of people pleasers and encourage behavior that is not authentic. When children are told to "put a smile on that pretty little face," or "people don't like children who cry," or "throw back those shoulders and act like everything is ok," something gets damaged in the child.

Narcissism and Entitlement: "Do I Have to Stand in Line?

A client once told me a story about how her narcissistic mother would never stand in lines. She was too important and had no patience. She also liked to gamble, but when she went to casinos she immediately got a wheelchair, though she was clearly not disabled, so that she could be pushed to the front of the line.

Empathy Can Spruce up Your Lovin!

Love relationships go through stages of development. Don't we all wish we could stay in the first stage of ultimate infatuation! Let's discuss three stages of normal growth for love connections. I like to call them: "La La Land," The Conflict Stage, and The Harvest Stage.

How Empathic Parenting Is the Antithesis of Narcissism

If you had a narcissistic parent or if you just live in this narcissistic culture today, you may be wondering a lot about parenting and how to do things differently so you can raise a healthy, emotionally sound child. When raised in narcissistic families, children grow up with an "empty tank" because their emotional needs were not met.

Casey Anthony: Out and About

In Orlando, Florida, Casey Anthony was released from jail today. As she walked out the front door of the jail at 12:10 AM, she was accompanied by her attorney and surrounded by law enforcement, machine guns, and security. Video sketches show them walking briskly, and Casey emotionless as she mouths a "thank you" to a guard.

The Casey Anthony Trial: From Fascination to Just Plain Sad

The highly publicized Orlando murder trial ended last weekend with 4th of July fireworks exploding on the 23rd floor of the Orange County, Florida courthouse.

The Casey Anthony Trial and Family Dynamics

Can we learn from the fascination and national interest in the Casey Anthony trial? There appears to be something enticing and luring as a story unfolds about a young mother accused of murdering her child. With many people watching, we see speculation, premature conviction, emotionally blasted opinions, and others attempting to just understand.

Lying Is Part of the Fascination of the Casey Anthony Trial

While people do lie for various reasons, we know that a newborn baby is not birthed a liar. Lying is a learned behavior. It is misleading to say that someone who lies was genetically born that way. People lie to protect themselves, to protect others, to get out of trouble, to get attention, to make themselves bigger, to look better, and who knows what else.

Why Are We So Fascinated With the Casey Anthony Trial?

The Casey Anthony murder trial is being smattered throughout the television networks and talk shows. We also see lay people rushing through the halls to get a front seat for the courtroom drama. Women are doing the high five while reporters are wall to wall not missing a beat. People Magazine and other print venues cover stories on this horrendous news.

When Mothers Don’t Bond With Their Daughters

With motherhood so idealized in our culture, it is especially hard for daughters of narcissistic mothers to face their past. It's difficult for most people to conceive of a mother incapable of loving and nurturing her daughter, and certainly no daughter wants to believe that of her own mother.

What’s Normal These Days?

The recent admission of Arnold Schwarzenegger's affair with the housemaid, along with the salacious list of athletes, politicians and entertainers revealed in the theatre of extramarital affairs, makes one wonder if the norm is changing. Remember the bell curve?

Narcissistic Parents: Contact or Not?

The most frequently asked question from adult children of narcissistic parents is whether or not to remain in contact with that parent and/or the rest of the dysfunctional family nest. It goes deep and is difficult to know what's best. Your family roots, your very beginnings, and subsequent history are all a significant part of you. We are who we are based on where we've been.

Who Am I Really?

My grandmother used to tell me, "If you look hard enough, you can always find the gold in others." Her warm wisdom can also be applied to self-discovery. When it's "All About Mom" growing up, the "You" can get lost in the mix. We are forced to conscript to supporting roles demanded by narcissistic mothers and the prevailing family system.

When Mother’s Day Hurts

Nobody wants to be a "Debbie Downer" on Mother's Day. It's a blessed and sacred institution and should be. Truly, what is more amazing than giving birth to gorgeous little ones and watching them grow, develop and become. It is certainly one of the most beautiful things about being a woman.

The Narcissistic Family Portrait

Clinical experience and research show that adult children of narcissists have a difficult time putting their finger on what is wrong. Denial is rampant in the narcissistic family system.

Are You Plagued With Self-Doubt?

Adult children raised by narcissistic parents internalize negative messages about themselves that can be unwound and released with good recovery work. As you went through each childhood stage of growth and development with your reality tested by negative messages from your parent, you learned at an early age to question yourself.

Are You a Mary Marvel or a Self-Saboteur?

All daughters of narcissistic mothers are faced with internal combat along the way. The stressful environment calls for conscripting to the parental mold. For each one of us was but a child, not a seasoned warrior, when we had to begin to fight battle after battle for our own identity. Not one of us has been able to fulfill our mother's expectations.

When Your Narcissistic Parent Is Sick or Elderly

Many adult children of narcissistic parents are finding themselves in the sandwich generation. Statistics reveal that one in eight adults are simultaneously supporting their own children and grandchildren while also providing assistance to aging parents. It's a stressful time for most, but what if that parent is narcissistic and consequently you don't have a strong emotional connection?

Child Sexual Abuse and Narcissism

Narcissism is a serious disorder that has far reaching effects. Our obligation to understand demands informed awareness. Having placed a focus on trauma, my professional work includes treating both parental narcissism and child sexual abuse. Is there a connection? Oy, what an understatement! But, let me be clear.

Motherhood and Child Abuse: An Oxymoron

Our relationship with Mother is birthed simultaneously with our entry into the world. We take our first breath of life, and display the initial dependent, human longing for protection and love in her presence. We are as one in the womb and on the birthing table. This woman, our mother...all that she is and is not...has given us life.

The Six Faces of Maternal Narcissism

The disorder of narcissistic parenting creates significant emotional damage to children. If not understood, children raised by narcissistic parents grow up in a state of denial, thinking it is their fault and they are simply not good enough. If good enough, they would have been loved by that parent.

The Many Faces of Maternal Narcissism

Maternal narcissism has many faces. I've identified six major types of narcissistic mothers, which will be discussed in my next post. Before we explore the types, it is important first to note that narcissistic mothering presents in either engulfing or ignoring behaviors. Although this sounds counter-intuitive, I found the impact of the opposite to be the same in the effects on children.

Is My Relationship Picker Broken?

Do you ever feel like you can't seem to find or pick the right mate? Things just don't work out and you don't know why? Or, maybe you are in relationship and wondering how you can improve your relationships skills to make things better?

Narcissists in Love? Really?

Are you searching for the love of your life? Are you currently married or in relationship and wondering if either you or your partner has narcissistic traits? Living today in a narcissistic culture where the focus on image and what we DO rules the scene... can certainly cause confusion for many. Awareness of what to look for in healthy relationships is key.

Am I Raising a Narcissistic Child?

It is a deep desire in adult children raised by narcissistic parents to parent their own children in a different way. Next to the primary fear of "Am I Narcissistic Too?" is the burning quest to not repeat the patterns with our offspring. This is heart warming and hopeful. It is true that children deserve to have at least one person who is irrationally crazy about them!

Karyl McBride

Dr. Karyl is a featured blogger for Psychology Today